Introduction
Our greatest joy and our greatest pain comes in our relationships
with others.
–Stephen R. Covey
The trouble with relationships is other people. We have friends
and neighbors, partners and lovers. We live in communities.
We come from families, and we earn our living working with or
for other people. This book utilizes tools to help you determine
if a relationship is healthy and offer solutions for change if necessary.
This book will also help you understand what might be
keeping you stuck in a difficult situation and learn what to expect
when dealing with transitions and loss. And it will also help you
learn to live your best life and to connect more fully with others.
Each chapter incorporates quotes and graphics to make you
think, feel and even smile. Terms or concepts to explore outside
of the scope of this book are expressed in italics. It is a book to
come back to again and again to help you make informed decisions
about life and relationships. My hope is you share this
book and your own stories with others to create a sense of genuine
community and connection.
Reciprocity, Reliability, Respect
Reciprocity of Effort
Respect for Values
Reciprocity of Effort
There is one word which may serve as a rule of practice for all one's life -reciprocity.
–Confucius
Reciprocity of effort means that equivalent energy is being put forth to initiate and maintain a relationship. This does not mean the receiving party must reciprocate immediately or in kind - just that overall, over time, a healthy relationship is based on giving and receiving and the relationship is balanced. An unevenness in reciprocity indicates there is an imbalance of power. If we find ourselves in a situation with repeated unreciprocated patterns of interacting, we can become resentful, hurt, angry and depressed. This can lead to underlying physical and mental health issues and/or the failure of the relationship. Reciprocity matters!
Reliability of Commitment
Respect for Values
Reciprocity of Effort
Trust should be guarded to the end: without trust we cannot stand –Confucius
Reliability of commitment begs the questions: Can I trust you? Can I count on you? Do you do what you say you will do and when you say you will do it? – Do you walk the walk, talk the talk, do as you say and say as you do? You get the idea. Without reliability, trust and predictability, our world lacks certainty. The ground feels shaky. We can become anxious. Reliability, trust and predictability appeal to our basic sense of safety and security. If you find yourself in a situation that feels uncertain, inconsistent and precarious, it is time to step back and reevaluate. Reliability matters!
Respect for Values
Respect for Values
Respect for Values
Respect yourself and others will respect you. –Confucius
Respect means non-violation. It means being seen and feeling heard. It means you are aware of the differences and choose to “live and let live” as best you can. Respect does not mean agreement or compliance. It does not mean being liked or liking the other. It means being respected for who you are. This includes respect for who you love, what you believe. what you do, your boundaries, your time. Will you treat me with dignity? Respect matters!