Intimacy Passion Commitment In order for a relationship to flourish, three more essentials must be added to the mix:  passion, intimacy and commitment. As a couple’s therapist I begin a session with “What is working”? Their spontaneous answers reveal a great deal. I listen and watch for the first three, reciprocity, reliability…

We don’t need to share the same opinions as others, but we need to be respectful. —Taylor Swift  Respect means taking into consideration the feelings, needs, thoughts, beliefs, wishes, boundaries, preferences, individual style and idosyncracies of the other. While this is a very big ask, it is critical to the health…

Reliability in intimate relationships is a cornerstone that speaks to our most primal concerns – safety and security.  When a partner says he or she will, and they do not, it imperceptibly affects our sense of well-being and subtly erodes the foundation of the relationship.  This is why those seemingly benign issues…

A lack of reciprocity in a relationship isn’t an invitation for you to try to convince them of your worth. –Helena Hart Reciprocity of effort in a romantic relationship means both parties work to nurture the health of their relationship. To this end they find rituals for connection and learn each other’s love…

We want one person to give us companionship, economic support, co-parenting, intellectual equal, best friend, confidant, passionate lover — and we also hope to find that person on an app. –Esther Perel Romantic relationships are tricky because we humans are vulnerable and there is more risk of deep emotional hurt. Keeping our…

Rules without relationship equals rebellion. — Josh McDowell  Modern families are often a disconnected, discombobulated mess – isolated on devices, overworked parents with overscheduled kids often with limited resources. They may be powder kegs ready to blow. Sometimes it is the acting out adolescent who is desperately trying to send a…

Use a checklist to determine which solution is best for your family situation: Like: Choose being liked if your reputation in the family is as being less-than-agreeable. Respect: Choose respect if you tend to let yourself be taken advantage of. Do Nothing: Choose to do nothing if it is best…

The path to freedom is illuminated by the bridges you have burned, adorned by the ties you have cut, and cleared by the drama you have left behind. –Steve Maraboli If your family is lacking more of the essentials than it is providing, or worse, is toxic and painful for you,…

You can’t reason someone out of something that they weren’t reasoned into in the first place.  –Mark Twain To improve the family interactions, you might start with a simple greeting card or meme indicating your openness. It is testing the water before a potentially difficult and volatile conversation. Or reach out…

The problem with doing nothing is you never know when you are finished. —Groucho Marx Deliberately choosing to do nothing is about reassessing. When you stop reaching out or responding to negative interactions, you are keeping your self-respect and your power. You can take a break from family. You learn to stop hoping for connection, predictability,…