In order to get to a healthier and more productive place, we need to give up our fear of conflict, turmoil and resistance. –John Gottman
Sometimes we must fight for the relationship we want. Saying, “I prefer to choose my battles” is a way of avoiding conflict. An argument may be just what you need to clear the air and work out your differences. Couples who are not arguing are probably not connecting. It is not as important how you get into an argument, but that you are able to resolve it. If you are sincere about wanting to improve your conflicts, learn to identify the Four Horsemen: criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. Replace these with healthier, more productive options. While it seems like work, eventually it becomes second nature, and it is less bruising than fighting.